So Scared

Gosh I am so afraid of this happening again. I woke up this morning for one of my several bathroom breaks at around 5AM. I had brown streaks of spotting on my undies. I was horrified! My mind flashed back to June when I lost my last little angel. All I kept thinking was, NO, NO, NO! I was just awakened from a dream of me giving birth to a little girl and having to go shopping for her for shampoo, lotion, baby wash, etc. (That dream stemmed from a conversation with my mom about me having a baby shower after I give birth because of my previous loss).

I went to the doctor's this morning before work to get checked out. The doctor said everything looked good so far. My cervix is completely closed, and there was no blood coming from the cervix. She said my uterus measured right as it should be. She wanted to do an ultrasound, but the machine was unavailable. I have to go back after work to get that done. I do hope the little bean's heart is still pumping away.

The only positive out of this is that everything looks great per the doctor, and the spotting stopped immediately. Also, the last time I spotted it was a gush of brown. This time it was streaks dried into my undies. So I hope those are all positive signs. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers...I cannot do this again.