Well today is the due date of my first pregnancy. So far I am handling it well. Maybe it is due to the fact that I am too tired to shed tears anymore. I just have this feeling of being childless the rest of my life, so why fight it. I did take the due date a little hard over the weekend. Streaming tears, hyperventilating cries...the works. Maybe that's why I have no feelings today. I feel completely numb to the thought of my baby.
Oh but I do long for my little one. Thoughts of his/her future, what he/she looks like, the person he/she would grow into. Instead I am sitting here waiting for AF (Aunt Flow) so that I can schedule a HSG. *Sigh* I really hope my body will cooperate with me soon.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I'm getting a WII!!!!
I am so excited! I was temped to buy the WII the weekend before Christmas when I saw it in Best Buy, but thought I shouldn't because I was there to get my brother's gifts. I was sticking to my budget for the day. I figured that they would have them in the stores after Christmas. BOY WAS I WRONG!! Every possible store and online merchant was sold out! I was so disappointed. I stalked every store, sales paper, and online merchant for the past three weeks!
Then I heard about wiialerts.com that sends emails or texts to your cell phone when products become available online. After many days of missed alerts, and non updated websites, I finally purchased my WII from Toys R Us! I just got the shipment confirmation today and I can't wait!! Time to purchase some accessories, and additional games. Oh, now to stalk the WII fit! I want that too. I can't wait!! :)
Then I heard about wiialerts.com that sends emails or texts to your cell phone when products become available online. After many days of missed alerts, and non updated websites, I finally purchased my WII from Toys R Us! I just got the shipment confirmation today and I can't wait!! Time to purchase some accessories, and additional games. Oh, now to stalk the WII fit! I want that too. I can't wait!! :)
Monday, January 12, 2009
On to the next step
Finally heard back from my Dr. S this morning. Since my RPL came back normal, she wants me to have an HSG. An HSG tests for any abnormalities in the uterus. She said that if this comes back normal, then she will refer me to a high risk OB. I have heard many things about this test. I hear the cramps can be pretty bad, but I'm sure I can handle them. I have had some bad cramping in my lifetime...not to mention that the process of miscarrying is pretty painful itself. I think I can handle that. I think I am more afraid of the outcome. I always had a feeling that I would eventually need this test...call it intuition. For some reason I believe that there IS something wrong with my ute, and that I would need surgery(my biggest fear of all time! I cried like a baby when I had to have a d & c. Not because I actually HAD to have one, but the thought of going under and being put to sleep)! That scares the crap out of me. I guess I'll be going in next month for the test. Wish me luck!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Back to Square 1
A small recap...Dr. S, my OB, sent me to my hematologist because my RPL panel showed a deficiency in my Protein S. Dr. A, my hematologist ordered a retake of this test, which I willingly donated my blood on Wednesday.
The results...went back to Dr. A today for my results of the Protein S. NORMAL. No deficiency. Now I am back at square one with no known reason as to why I keep miscarrying. This is so f*cking frustrating!!!!! I don't know what to do anymore. Dr. A suggested that I see a high risk OB for my next pregnancy. He said that sometimes there is no answer, and all that doctors can do is get you from point A to point B successfully. Dammit, I want a reason!!
Just sent Dr. S a nice little message explaining my frustration. Hope to hear back from her on Monday as to what I should do. Oh, and to top it off, when I talked to my mom about the results her reply is, "Stop trying so hard." WTF?!?!?!?! Stop trying so hard! That was the wrong thing to say to me. I would have throat punched her if my fist could have reached through the phone.
On the plus, B and I are back to the baby making. We are hoping that the third time is the lucky time. I really hope I get my sticky baby soon, or me and my ute will be the featured match on Smackdown!!
The results...went back to Dr. A today for my results of the Protein S. NORMAL. No deficiency. Now I am back at square one with no known reason as to why I keep miscarrying. This is so f*cking frustrating!!!!! I don't know what to do anymore. Dr. A suggested that I see a high risk OB for my next pregnancy. He said that sometimes there is no answer, and all that doctors can do is get you from point A to point B successfully. Dammit, I want a reason!!
Just sent Dr. S a nice little message explaining my frustration. Hope to hear back from her on Monday as to what I should do. Oh, and to top it off, when I talked to my mom about the results her reply is, "Stop trying so hard." WTF?!?!?!?! Stop trying so hard! That was the wrong thing to say to me. I would have throat punched her if my fist could have reached through the phone.
On the plus, B and I are back to the baby making. We are hoping that the third time is the lucky time. I really hope I get my sticky baby soon, or me and my ute will be the featured match on Smackdown!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year
Dear 2008,
Though we had some nice times together, I am ECSTATIC to see you gone. We had our fights, our fun, and our shared hatred for each other. You even managed to take one last stab at me by having a pregnant woman at a NYE pot and alcohol party happily sit down next to me as we shared a bowl of weenie dogs and she discussed her lack of cravings at 7 months. Thanks a lot!! As I slam the door on you, I kindly open it for your replacement, 2009. I hope she can do a lot better job than you did. Here's to a new year and new adventures!
Though we had some nice times together, I am ECSTATIC to see you gone. We had our fights, our fun, and our shared hatred for each other. You even managed to take one last stab at me by having a pregnant woman at a NYE pot and alcohol party happily sit down next to me as we shared a bowl of weenie dogs and she discussed her lack of cravings at 7 months. Thanks a lot!! As I slam the door on you, I kindly open it for your replacement, 2009. I hope she can do a lot better job than you did. Here's to a new year and new adventures!
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