God does hear me...I think?

Well it looks like BIL R will be just fine. Thank God!! But the resident doctor who told him that he had a cancerous tumor needs to be fired!!! After having tests done by a neurologists, there is a mass growing on his brain, but they cannot tell if it is in fact a tumor without more tests. The mass, as far as the doctors can tell, is not a risk to his health or life. They do want to run more extensive tests though. Hopefully R will have some answers soon.

Are there any more stones that 2008 can throw?

Rewind a few weeks, A and R are having huge marital issues and are going through a nasty separation. They have been fighting really badly. They have three kids, and I feel really bad for them. The kids are basically in the middle of this nasty dispute. R is having a hard time with his job. Not much construction going on, so he is struggling to bring money home. They had to put the house on the market, and both say that the marriage is over.

So SIL (sister-in-law) A calls late at night, drunk off her rocker, rambling about how BIL(brother-in-law) R has a brain tumor. After the smoke cleared this morning and B was able to gather more info, it turned out to be true. R totalled his truck last night in an accident. He went to the doctor due to a bruise caused from the accident. I am guessing that they took a scan of his brain to check for internal bleeding, and they found a tumor. The tumor is malignant. How crazy is that?!?! He's only 28!! The docs said that based on the size, it has been there for some time, and they don't know if they can remove it. This is some f*cked up sh*t!!

The moment the bell chimed midnight to ring in 2008, this year has been nothing but a disaster. Financial issues for B at his job, financial issues for FIL (father-in-law) at his job, my two miscarriages, the cutback in my hours at my job, and now this. Our family has been through so much in such a short time span. I am praying that the docs can remove the tumor in R's brain. Please God, here my prayer and let everything be okay. Please help A and R get through this very tough time.

This ecomony sucks...

I guess it was bound to happen. Our company is not bringing in much revenue, and we are struggling. I guess there is not a demand for video surveillance. My boss just called me this morning from our Jersey office to tell me that starting January 5th, I will only be working three days a week. I don't know how to feel about this information. A little disturbed, a little relieved...definitely not happy. I know I am one of the newer people here, but definitely not the newest! She should cut them, but with it being a family business I guess she won't be cutting hours on her son or her son's best friend. I also make the least amount out of everyone in the office. Cutting my hours back is not going to put a dent in the payroll. Those bringing home over 2K should have their salaries reduced until the company gets back on their feet.

The reduction could be good for me. I have been under a lot of stress lately, so maybe now I can relax and focus on my family. Maybe I'll take B's advice and look into daycare for the other two days. I always wanted to work with kids instead of behind a desk. This could end up being a good thing for B and I. Let's keep our finger's crossed and hope...

And now we wait...

I know good things come to those who wait. You must be patient and in time will get what you ask for. I am tired of waiting!! I had my appointment with my hematologist today. It took more time travelling to his office than it did for the entire appointment! He basically told me that a deficiency in Protein S is hereditary, and that my deficiency could have been caused from the miscarriage. Because I do not suffer from blood clotting issues, it is most likely that I do not have a deficiency. I have to retake the Protein S blood test to see if this is true, and then we go from there. If I actually have a deficiency, I will be placed on blood thinners for my next pregnancy and hope I carry to term. If there is no deficiency, I am back at square one trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me!

This is so frustrating!! I can never get a clear-cut answer. I am tired of being poked and prodded, and coming up with no answer. I go back in January for the test and results. January should have been the month I would be bringing my first angel baby home, but here I sit still empty-handed.

Tomorrow B is going to look into foster care and adoption. We are not going to give up without a fight, but I am taking a beating emotionally. We will have our baby one way or another.

Sad...

This time of year is going to be a difficult one for me. I can feel it already. Some friends of B and I wanted to know if we wanted to go cut down our Christmas tree with them tomorrow. They were even willing to go next weekend if we were busy tomorrow. Any other time and circumstance I would have loved to, but this particular couple is expecting their first baby in March. What makes me sad is that it brings back all the memories of my 2nd pregnancy. I started having my second miscarriage at their house during the Presidential debates. We weren't there a good 20 minutes before I started bleeding. One week later I miscarried my little boy. It is still hard to face them knowing that L is still happily pregnant (she's having a little girl), and my son is no longer with me. To top it all off, my first EDD is approaching quickly (January 21st). I think I am going to need a drink after work.